BDSM has become increasingly popular over the last few years thanks to some well known books and blockbuster films featuring a very half naked Jamie Dornan. However, how BDSM is depicted in films may not tell you the whole story. In fact, the Fifty Shades books and movies came under heavy criticism for not representing the BDSM community properly.
What we see in those films is some basic orders and spanking. But BDSM is so much more than this! It’s a worldwide community of people from all walks of life who enjoy pushing the boundaries of both pleasure and pain. That being said, BDSM is often viewed in a negative light, especially in countries that are more conservative in their nature – fortunately, there are resources out there to combat this, such as this one aiming to remove stigma and shame of Chinese BDSM.
When it comes to areas of BDSM, one area that does not get enough coverage is BDSM humiliation. This is the practice of a dominant humiliating a submissive, either physically, verbally, or even mentally. As purveyors of sexual exploration and empowerment, let’s delve into BDSM humiliation and find out how even the most vanilla of beginners can get started.
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6 Things You Need To Know About BDSM Humiliation For Beginners
What is BDSM Humiliation?
BDSM humiliation involves a dominant humiliating a submissive in various ways to exert their power over them. Dominants enjoy humiliating their submissive because it puts the submissive ‘in their place’, making them feel in control of even the brattiest of subs. Submissives also enjoy humiliation because being controlled in such a way, allowing their dom to maintain complete power over the experience, turns them on.
BDSM humiliation can be done in various ways: Verbal humiliation might involve the dominant calling their submissive crude names, speaking down to them, scolding them when they do something wrong. Physical humiliation might include wearing clothing that the submissive finds embarrassing, putting the submissive in a cage for everyone to see, torturing them in front of other people, being treated like an animal or a footstool, or making the submissive carry out physical acts they deem embarrassing.
Degradation is also a part of BDSM humiliation. Degradation is perhaps a step further than humiliation because the goal is to make the submissive feel even less worthy as a human being. This could include using them as a toilet or making them lick something clean like a dog.
Finally, there is sexual humiliation which could involve cuckolding, forced masturbation, forced orgasming, forced blow jobs, and forced penetration. It should be noted that due to the nature of many of these acts, consent should always be obtained, and soft and hard limits discussed before any sexual activity takes place – especially when something is ‘forced’.
Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Humiliation…
Just starting out on your BDSM journey and want to know how to get started with humiliation?
Here are some ideas to get you started!
Discuss soft and hard limits and assign a safe word
BDSM involves a lot of activities that we normally wouldn’t be okay with in day-to-day life. For this reason, it is crucial that before any sexual activity takes place that you discuss the submissive’s soft and hard limits. A soft limit is something that they are okay with to a certain degree, while a hard limit is a big no-no for them.
There is a misconception that a dominant can just do whatever he or she wants to their subs. But that is just not the case, and if you find yourself talking to a dominant who talks like this, you need to run for the hills. A good dominant will always discuss your limits first. In the same vein, a good dominant should always discuss a safe word with their submissive.
Once the submissive speaks the safe word, the dominant must stop immediately. Safewords and limits are very important to discuss in terms of humiliation and degradation because some acts really turn a submissive on and others they simply don’t want to do. This must be communicated before any sexual acts can occur. Never assume that something is okay. If you haven’t discussed it, don’t do it. Also, don’t forget to discuss aftercare.
This often gets forgotten about but is so crucial after a hardcore BDSM scene. The dominant should ask the submissive what they like to do for aftercare. Maybe they like to be massaged if their scene involves a lot of spanking. Perhaps they like to have alone time with a cup of tea and a hot water bottle to process their thoughts. Discuss these needs along with their limits.
Discuss what you both want from the experience
Before engaging in BDSM activities, you should discuss what you both want out of the scenario, what you both fantasize about the most, and how you want to feel. Does the submissive only want to be lightly humiliated or treated like they don’t exist? How far do they want to go? What acts do you both really fantasize about?
Start off verbally
The best way to start with BDSM humiliation is through non-physical acts. Verbal humiliation does not involve any physical pain or humiliation, so it’s a great place to start if you or your partner are not sure whether humiliation is for you or not. Here are a few ideas of things you could do for verbal humiliation:
- Get your partner to ask for permission for basic things like going to the toilet, eating, masturbating (if they are allowed), going outside for a walk, exercising, etc.
- Call your partner degrading names during sex.
- Get them to repeat things like: I am your slave, I am your submissive, you own my body, etc.
Take Toys Out in Public
There is no better way to get your partner hot under the collar than by making them wear a remote-controlled sex toy out in public, either with you or by themselves. Here are some ideas:
- The submissive wears a remote-control or app-controlled vibrator out and about with the dominant, and the dominant holds the remote the whole day, choosing to switch on the toy whenever they please.
- The submissive wears an app-controlled vibrator while running errands on their own. The dominant stays at home and teases them with the vibrator when they’re in the most public places. The submissive must tell them where they are at all times, so the dominant knows when to strike.
- The dominant can make the female submissive wear kegel or Ben Wa balls while in public. Make it extra risky by making the submissive wear a skirt with no underwear. The Ben Wa balls will massage the submissive internally and make them wet. Send them erotic text messages to turn them on even more, and maybe their wetness will drip down their legs…
Slowly Introduce More Degrading Acts at Home
Once you’ve got into the swing of basic humiliation, you can start introducing more extreme acts at home. Leave the public humiliation for when you have a bit of experience. Here are some physical acts you can do at home to add humiliation to your sex life:
- If they are shy about watching porn, make the submissive watch porn and tell you in detail about their favorite parts.
- Make them pee in front of you, either on the toilet or elsewhere. If they pee anywhere else but the toilet, the submissive must clean it up.
- Make them lick up their own fluids after sex.
- Make them act as a piece of furniture.
- Make them stand naked in front of a window for one minute. Add nipple clamps for more humiliation.
- If you are into pet play also, make them eat their meals from a dog bowl.
- Don’t allow them to close the door when they go to the bathroom.
- Make them use a sex toy they’ll find embarrassing and degrading, like a horse shaped dildo
- Make them write a diary or blog detailing their innermost thoughts about the humiliation.
- If you live in an apartment complex, make them take the trash out or get the mail from the mailbox in a transparent top with no bra. This will warm them up for public humiliation.
Take humiliation into the public
- Now you’ve got some experience, it’s time to take it to the next level. Here are some ideas to get you going:
- Make the submissive wear an outfit that they feel uncomfortable in.
- Forbid them from speaking to another person while you are out.
- Make them buy a list of embarrassing items.
- Make them wear a diaper and use it while out in public. Ask them to tell you when they need to go to the bathroom and order them to do it right there in front of you.
- Make them wear nipple clamps underneath a clingy top (Don’t leave them on for any longer than 30 minutes, though, to prevent any physical harm).
- Make the submissive go out without any underwear and make them wear a short skirt. Then ask them to bend over to get a product from the bottom shelf in the supermarket.
- Make the submissive go into the public restrooms and masturbate for a designated amount of time, recording themselves to make sure they are loud enough.
- Make them ask permission and call you by your dominant name so other people can hear them.
BDSM domination can be what you want it to be, some crude words in the bedroom or a full on public humiliating experience. However you and your partner decide to do it, make sure you are both on the same page, and you can’t go wrong.
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Frequently Asked Questions About BDSM Humiliation
1. What is BDSM humiliation play?
BDSM humiliation play involves consensual scenarios where one partner experiences embarrassment or degradation for mutual arousal. It can be verbal, physical, or situational, always grounded in trust and consent.
2. How do we establish boundaries in humiliation play?
Open communication is key. Discuss specific words, actions, and scenarios that are acceptable or off-limits. Utilizing tools like Yes/No/Maybe lists can help clarify preferences and boundaries.
3. What is the importance of safewords?
Safewords provide a clear, unambiguous way to communicate discomfort or the need to stop. Choose a word that’s easy to remember and unlikely to be used in the scene.
4. How should we approach aftercare?
Aftercare involves attending to each other’s emotional and physical needs post-scene. This can include cuddling, discussing the experience, or any activity that helps partners reconnect and process the scene.
5. Is it normal to feel nervous about starting humiliation play?
Absolutely. It’s common to feel apprehensive when exploring new aspects of intimacy. Taking time to research, communicate, and proceed at a comfortable pace can ease these feelings.
